Some Thursday Humour..

My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year...

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat pooh in theglue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with everyenvelope that needs sealing.

Also, I now have to scrub the top of every tin I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (PennyBrown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
Actually I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the£15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participatingin their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking outfor me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutantfreaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a waterbuffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if Iforward an e-mail to at least seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can removetoilet stains.

I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the car soa serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with asample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,Singapore, Outer Mongolia and Uzbekistan.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when itbites my bum.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the £5.00 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

Now If you don't send this chain to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing youto grow a hairy hump.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

Have a wonderful day!