Well it is almost December.. Hasn't the the year has flown in? This time next year I will be true bag of nerves as it will be a mere 5 weeks to my wedding. Between you and me I am having real panic attack moments .. i know it is just nerves, but it feels a bit like I am then a proper adult. No more excuses..
And when I think about it I can't really say why. I think it is actually the commitment part. Not in a sense of being faithful, but it is the putting your heart in someone else's hands. It isn't the giving myself forever more to my other half, it the sudden realisation that how fragile my heart is. It is almost the fear of failure. What if he decides he doesn't want me? I have seen so many other relationships recently explode/ implode/ dissolve before my eyes and suddenly I am truly scared.
You see, I am a true Sagittarius, I hide behind my freedom and know I can do what I want when I want, but really it is a proetection that I put up. Suddenly I am thinking being married feels like being owned? That I am someone's to throw away or decide they no longer want?
It is like the last barricade of my heart that I am taking down. And I know I am being silly, but the fear is still there. I have wanted to be his wife for so long (since I met him) and now I am about to, I am petrified. It maybe that the news on Thursday about that other couple just shook me a wee bit and I have suddenly realised after 30 years on the planet how easy it is to be hurt.
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