11 Days to go..

until the antichrist is meant to put in an appearance. I am now officially on maternity leave and living the life of a lady of leisure. I would like to say I am enjoying it but I feel oddly redundant and concerned that I am dropping behind.

This coupled with the waiting and people's phone calls/ texts/ emails asking if there are any twinges. And of course not really knowing what a twinge should feel like. I have a fear of going into labour and not knowing it is happening, or assuming it is just another pain of pregnancy, leaving it too late & ending up giving birth in the back of my car or something equally as embarrassing.

Funnily enough my Mum just laughs when I tell her this and gives me a knowing smile along with the lines of 'oh don't worry, you WILL know when you are in labour'. Great. Just great.

So I have been amusing myself with catching up with friends I haven't seen in ages, midiwife/ doc appointments and meeting my Mum for lunch. Today I am taking my gran wallpaper shopping, which I have an inkling might turn into another painful repeat of the wedding outfit buying from a few months back. But at least it keeps me from watching daytime TV.

For Miss F..

I saw this and thought of you. Please don't be holding anything hot when opening the link...



Surf's up Baby..

The countdown has begun..

Well, if science is right, I have 5 weeks to go until the big day. And a whole 2 weeks left to work. I have funny feelings about finishing up, partly worry that I will have a job to go back to (if any of you pay attention to the banking half year profit results, you will understand why) but also looking forward to a break from it all. I am thinking of taking the opportuntiy for an industry change and maybe use my skills in an area that I have more personal interest in.

I have also started my parenting/ antenatal classes which are proving interesting.It covers everythign from the birth (oh god) through to getting the baby home & bathing it. If I am honest this is the bit that is scaring me the most - it seems so technical and practicing on a doll isn'tthe same as 8lbs of squirming real baby.

The other mums and dads-to-be are an odd bunch who do not say much and I wonder if they understand at times. Some of them look like the do not want to be there.

At home the nursery is finished and we have a nightly challenge of keeping the cats out the room/ cot/ basket as they think it should be their's. Boy are they in for a shock.

Other news is that I having a massive clear out & flogging things on ebay - I had forgotten how much of an asshole city that site has become & I wishing I hadn't started.

Getting scared.

This article in the news today absolutely terrified me.I realise it is a rare thing, but the utter horror of it has haunted my thoughts all day.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1031198/Woman-stole-baby-alive-mothers-womb-feared-husband-leave-lied-pregnancy.html

It struck me now I am quite far on in my pregnancy how scared I am getting with things. Yesterday I was out walking my Mum's dog (who we are looking after at the moment - the cats just love that). Anyway I passed a man on a lonely bit of pathway & realised that if he attacked me i wouldn't have the strength to defend myself and even if I could fight back he could still damage my baby. Now I know he wasn't going to try anything when I had a 10stone alsatian by my side, nor was he doing anything remotely threatening, but it suddenly woke me up to what it meant to be a parent and the fears for years to come that I will have, that my mum always said I wouldn't understand until I had my own children

Things they don't tell you about being pregnant..

Is the odd dreams. For example, I recently dreamt that I was a vampire. Infact head of a vampire coven, that lived in a big castle that faced on to a grave yard.. The castle had patio doors that too for some odd reason.. Anyway I had agreed with the head of another vampire coven thing that we were going to join households, and he had came to my castle with some of his people where we were going to do some biting ceremony.

All was going well with the proceedings until I came across one of his stupid members, who had cut a whole in the patio door glass & was eating Reggie's legs through it. Reggie was ok, but the bottom part of his legs were nibbled down to the bone leaving his feet and stupid wee stick legs.. I then I went ballistic smashing vampire skulls and woke myself up with the rage.

I really shouldn't eat cheese before I go to bed...

Today's news..

In lazy bullet points again because I am getting lazier. Fact.

* I am currently interviewing for my maternity cover which is a very odd feeling. When I have ever left a job before I couldn't give a monkeys who they gave it too, but as I am intending returning to work, I am slightly more proetective of the role because I don't want someone who can do it better, or someone who f**ks it up and I have a mess to come back too. It is a fine line y'know.

* The tiredness and hormones are taking effect now, I find myself having moments of panic over not knowing what the hell to do with babies or that I am going to be stuck on my own. my mood fluctuates between happy glee then murderous black moods and my growing belly feeling out breath doesn't help my confidence.

* The cats seem to be involved in some knid of street turf warfare with a monster of a fluffy ginger cat, whom we have named 'Old Red'. Old Red is as hard as nails because not only does he take on Alfie The Muscle without fear, he fights H-Man at the same time. I would like to say Reggie joins in too, but he seems more interested in chasing moths than a knife show. So far H-man has returned with a scratched eye and Alfie spends his time at strategic lookout points like the neighbours roof searching for Old Red approaching.

* I really want a Louis Vuitton bag. To the point I am obsessed with it. I know they aren't to everyone's taste and there are a lot of fakes out there, but I have my heart set on a Speedy 30. Technically I should be spending that money on nursery furniture. Pah.

* Miss F has informed me that Keifer is getting married. I can only comment that is it undoubtedly rebound as both of us are officially of the market.. And anyway Mads is higher up the list these days after watching Casino Royale again on Saturday.

The weekend rundown.

Aren't long weekends just the business? No horrible sunday night 'back to school' dread and of course that priceless feeling of looking at the clock at 7.30am on the Monday & being able to bury back under the covers for as long as you want ( well until your neighbour's builders wake you, in my case). Then of course there is the short 4 day week, that zips by before you know it.

My weekend was a mixture of cinema ( indiana jones, fact fans), pizza, gardening, picking paint colours for decorating and some retail therapy. A good effort I think you will agree.

I had good intentions of arriving bright & bubbly for work today, however an ordeal before even leaving for work this morning - involving the bloody cats & a baby bird. Running around your garden at 8.30 am while 6 months pregnant trying to round up 3 cats / capture a baby bird is not good for the mood. Didn't help that husband dearest didn't help and was on the phone about another work crisis and unwittingly let the cats back out after I had got them in.

So I left for work upset as I couldn't get the cats in or get the wee bird to a place of safety. I am now sitting in a foul mood with my headphones on ignoring everyone.

The good news is that my best friend also joins my company in 2 weeks and I cannot wait to be able to see her every day like we used to do, when we worked together before. Work is a slightly better place when you know you have a real friend not far away.

A pill to make you numb. A pill to make you dumb.

Do you ever wish you could switch off your brain for a bit & stop thinking about things? Or is it dumb yourself down so you don't take people's ill thought words to heart.



Several of my friends are like this too - we think too much. As a result we often get hurt by words that are thrown casually and then expected to be forgotten about when really it cuts deep and carries a scar, even though it isn't noticeable to the eye.

I am now in a position with a friend, who has said somethings over time either deilbrately or ignorantly, and doesn't understand that I have taken them to heart and now don't see a friendship existing there anymore. I feel they choose their path and I have to mine, but still I feel guilty and cruel for decisions that weren't mine.

A pill to make you anybody else..

Superstylin'

This song was playing on the radio as I drove home tonight, and it got me in the bank holiday weekend feeling. I saw them live at Brixton a few years ago & hearing the song still makes me grin when I think off all the crowd bouncing.




So turn up it up , enjoy and get in the sunshine mood.




I hope you all have a good 'un.

Things that are on my mind from this week..

* I have learned that sometimes it is best not to interfere, that things usually work out for the best even if it doesn't seem like it at the time.

* Most people do not listen to advice, even when asked for. It is hard to gain a perspective on things when you are stuck in the middle of it. And you have to accept this when giving advice.

* Everyday when I am driving to & from work, I amuse myself spotting the baby rabbits that are feeding on the grass verge. There is one bit in particular where there is a black rabbit, that I imagine is an escaped domestic pet, now living free, mixing his genes in the pool of wild ones. I like that thought.

* I have zero motivation this week and I am so tired. I have never looked forward to a bank holiday week end so much in my life.

Sex in the.. Whatever.

Is it just me or is anyone else out there totally uninterested in this movie and kinda feels the whole Carrie et al has had their day?

It might be brilliant and for all the die hard SATC fans, I am sure it is a big deal. I just have a feeling it is going to be like the Simpsons Movie - it is ok, but missing a little something and probably not worth a trip to the cinema for..

Or maybe I am just old and cynical and was never a great fan to begin with..

Banned.

Not for the faint hearted. You have been warned.

Changing yourself..

A bit of a musing for your wednesday afternoon..would you change yourself or your tastes to make someone like you better?

I have came across a couple of examples in the last couple of weeks with friends, that have quite frankly shocked me. Exhibit A has literally adjusted her personality and given up almost all of her own personal morales and boundaries to ultimately massage the ego of one insecure and vey selfish male. I am by the sidelines watching her self worth being broken down, unable to help and my advice is falling on deaf ears.

Exhibit B, is transforming their tastes to fit with a new friends tastes. Now everyone grows and adjusts picing up little bits of ideas and outlooks like cat hairs on a new coat, from the people we meet on a regular basis.. but this person is going to an extreme, listening to music that is not easily likeable.. let me try colour this example.. It is not unknown that I have an obsession with Marilyn Manson, not just his music, but his persona, his outlook and for personal reasons I can relate to the story of how be transformed from Brian Warner (worm boy in his words) to the persona he has created today ( the antichrist in some people's minds). But it isn't the type of music that I would recommend to my friends in passing ' oh have you heard MM's new song?' as it isn't really mainstream and nor does it make the charts or MTV playlist most of the time. For someone to suddenly buy into a scene overnight that is so against their own tastes is slightly odd in my opinion.

These are both friends that I thought were strong individuals, and I am saddened for them both.

On a lighter note, this piece of news had me laughing and wondering if it was a joke on the part of the BBC .. otherwise it is reassuring to know that the heat & cheap lager means the loonies are consistant in their antics year after year..

Viva Las Vegas.

Well, I return from Las Vegas as officially Mrs Catslife, I won't bore you with pictures and details, but it wasa lovely relaxed time & the wedding was what we wanted.

People have been asking me since I returned if it feels different being married, especially after livng together for 5 years.. in some ways it does, I aware it is for the long haul now but it also feel more secure and a we are true team against the world. (apart from last night when I had a hissy fit over something ridiculous - but that is a story for another day).

Unfortunately, the mundane day to day chores haven't changed with my change of status and life continues as normal. Work has also continued with the same mixture of madness, blood, sweat & tears as before, with the same stupid decisions being made.

I am now counting the weeks to my maternity leave and giving serious thought to a career or industry change in my time off.